FAQ
Frequently Asked Questions
You deserve to know what you're getting into before inviting someone into the complicated parts of your life. Here's what you can expect, how I work, and a few things worth knowing before making a decision.
Don't see your question here? Reach out. I'm happy to answer anything else you'd like to know before deciding whether we're a good fit.
Working with a coach or therapist trained in Relational Life Therapy (RLT) can be especially appealing if you're facing entrenched issues or power imbalances. Here's what sets it apart:
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A direct, no-nonsense approach. RLT practitioners don't hesitate to name dysfunctional patterns or behaviors when they see them. They do it with compassion, and they're firm about it. That can help partners who are stuck in denial or blame. It appeals to people who want clear feedback and concrete next steps, not only open-ended exploration.
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Relationality. RLT treats the relationship as something bigger than two individuals. The work is about shifting from “you versus me” to “us,” and staying connected even in conflict. You learn to speak up for what you need in a way your partner can hear, and to respond generously when they do the same.
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Individual accountability. RLT asks both partners to take responsibility for their part in the dynamic. That can be a relief if you feel stuck waiting for your partner to change. The focus is on what each of you can do, starting now, to create a healthier relationship, even if only one of you is ready to begin.
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Insight plus practice. RLT looks at where your patterns come from, but it doesn't stop at understanding. You practice new ways of responding, in session and at home, until they take hold.
A note on power imbalances: RLT addresses them directly when one partner's behavior is dominating the relationship. If there is violence, threats, or fear of your partner, coaching isn't the right tool, and I'll help you find the support that is.
No. I’m a professional coach credentialed by the International Coaching Federation (ICF) at the Associate Certified Coach (ACC) level. I’m not a licensed mental health professional, such as a psychologist, licensed professional counselor, marriage and family therapist, or clinical social worker.
Coaching is not psychotherapy, counseling, or medical care, and it isn’t a substitute for them. I don’t diagnose, assess, or treat mental health conditions, and I don’t provide crisis services. Coaching focuses on the patterns, skills, and conversations shaping your relationship, and on what you do next.
I work only within my training, competence, and professional scope, in keeping with the ICF Code of Ethics. If what you need goes beyond what coaching can appropriately offer, I’ll tell you and refer you to a licensed clinician or other qualified professional. Coaching and therapy can work well side by side, and some people do both. When it’s appropriate and you agree, we can keep working together alongside that care.
I prefer working with both (or all) people in the relationship, but it is not a requirement. Plenty of people start on their own. When you change your side of the pattern, the whole pattern can shift. If your partner wants to join later, we’ll bring them in.
Yes. What you share stays between us, under a written confidentiality agreement and the ICF Code of Ethics. One difference from therapy: coaching conversations aren’t covered by HIPAA or therapist–client privilege, so the protection is ethical and contractual rather than legal. Before we start, I’ll walk you through exactly what that means, including the rare exceptions, such as safety.
Yes. Sessions run over secure video, so you can work with me from anywhere. I’m based in Arizona and schedule across time zones.
RLT couples sessions:
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60-minute: $175
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90-minute: $250
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120-minute: $330
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4+ hour intensives: contact me directly for scheduling
Individual sessions:
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60-minute: $150
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90-minute: $215
Other services vary in price.
Payment is due at the time of booking, through a secure checkout. I accept all major credit and debit cards (Visa, Mastercard, American Express, and Discover), as well as Apple Pay, Google Pay, and PayPal.
Please do not allow cost to stand between you and the support you need. I reserve a portion of my practice for people facing financial hardship, who pay a reduced rate based on need. If cost is a concern, please reach out.
No. Health insurance covers the diagnosis and treatment of medical and mental health conditions. Coaching isn’t either of those, so sessions are private pay.
That also works in your favor. No diagnosis is required to start, and nothing about your relationship goes into an insurance record.
Some context on the bigger picture: you may have noticed that many therapists and counselors don’t take insurance either. That’s often a deliberate choice, and here’s why:
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A diagnosis is required. For insurance to pay for counseling, the client has to be diagnosed with a mental health condition, and that diagnosis becomes part of their health record. Many people would rather it didn’t, especially when they’re dealing with relationship struggles rather than a mental health condition.
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Relationship work often isn’t covered. Couples therapy usually isn’t reimbursable on its own unless one partner has a qualifying diagnosis. The same is often true for grief, two of the most common reasons people seek help.
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Insurers shape the pace of care. Providers have to submit treatment plans and progress updates regularly to justify continued sessions. That can push care toward shorter-term work, whatever the client actually needs.
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Insurers can review records long after the fact. If an insurer decides past sessions weren’t justified, it can audit the provider’s records and claw back payment, sometimes years later.
None of this means insurance-based care is bad. Many excellent clinicians work within it, and for many people it’s the right route. It just helps to know the tradeoffs so you can make an informed choice.
Start with certification. Coaches who earn a credential from the International Coaching Federation (ICF) choose to be held accountable to its standards and code of ethics. If a coach says they’re ICF-credentialed, you can verify their status in the ICF’s online Credentialed Coach Finder, much like you’d look up a therapist’s license.
Then look at the whole picture. Expertise comes from many places, so consider asking:
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Do you have a degree that supports your work?
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Did you complete a coach training program?
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What specific coaching methods or skills have you learned, and how?
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Do you get professional supervision, mentoring, or consultation?
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What previous career or life experience do you draw on?
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What have you learned that’s relevant to the goals I want to reach?
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How have your experiences helped you understand people like me?
Most of all, focus on what matters most to you. Choose someone you believe can help with your specific goals, and someone you feel comfortable being honest with. I’m glad to answer any of these on a free call.
Not at all. Open, poly, and ENM relationships have the same core needs: honesty, repair, and agreements that work. I work with all of them.
Yes, when it matters to you. Our focus is connection, communication, and repair, and I'm also a clinical sexologist. If desire or intimacy is part of what's going on, we can address it directly.
I can't guarantee results. What changes a relationship is what the people in it do, in session and especially at home, and that part is yours. But here's what I believe: If you want to change the way you relate to your partner (or partners), your coach or therapist should be:
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Helping you do something radically different from what you already do at home, not just talk about it.
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Helping you speak to each other's nervous systems, not just each other's logic, so you can calm down enough to hear and be heard.
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Skilled in attachment and in practical communication tools you can use the same day.
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Practicing new moves with you live, and helping you repair when you slip.
Understanding why you fight is a starting point, not the finish line. You don't have to settle for processing the same issues endlessly, and you don't have to settle for intellectual insight alone.
No. Relational Life Therapy is the foundation of my relationship work, but it isn’t the only tool I use. Not everyone wants the direct style RLT is known for. I also offer classic ICF-style coaching, as well as workshops, small groups, courses, and bootcamps derived from multiple frameworks and modalities. Through Kalīde Coaching & Consulting, I also work with leaders and organizations.
I don’t turn people away for who they are, who they love, or how their relationship is structured. Some situations do need something else in place first, and that often depends on whether we’re working as a couple or one-on-one.
For couples work, I follow the preconditions of Relational Life Therapy. Couples sessions can’t begin while any of these are happening:
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An active affair. Someone is secretly involved with a person outside the relationship, or outside the agreements you’ve made. If there is an outside partner, the affair must be suspended before couples' work can begin.
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An active addiction that isn't being treated. Alcohol, drugs, gambling, or another addiction is running the show.
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Violence. There is physical violence, threats, or fear of your partner.
Individual work is different. If you’re the one having the affair, or you’re unsure whether to stay, or you’re living with a partner’s addiction, I can still work with you one-on-one. That work is about you: your choices, your patterns, and what you want next.
On mental health: many of my clients manage a mental health condition, and that’s not a barrier. What matters is that it’s stable, or that you’re getting care for it from a qualified professional. Coaching works well alongside treatment. It isn’t a substitute for it.
I’m also probably not the right fit if:
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You’re looking for ammunition against your partner.
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You want your partner to change but aren’t willing to look at your own part.
If you’re not sure where you fall, ask. We’ll sort it out on a free call, and if I’m not the right person for you, I’ll help you find who is.
When you book a session, that time is set aside for you and only you. If you cancel late or don’t show up, I usually can’t offer that time to someone else who’s waiting for support. As a small practice, I also can’t sustain the work if sessions are regularly missed or moved at the last minute.
You’ll get reminders before every session. If you need to cancel or reschedule, please give me at least 24 hours’ notice.
Late cancellation and no-show fees
For cancellations with less than 24 hours’ notice, or sessions you miss without notice:
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60-minute individual session: $100 fee
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60-minute couples session: $140 fee
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90-minute couples session: $200 fee
Intensives and Relationship Bootcamps need at least 7 days’ notice to cancel with a refund.
Life happens. Emergencies are real, and I don’t charge a fee for them. If you need to cancel inside 24 hours for a reason that isn’t an emergency, you can avoid the fee by rescheduling for another time in the same week, if I have availability.
"It is a cardinal rule of many schools of therapy that the practitioner must not take sides. The thinking behind this is that we must build a therapeutic alliance with both members of the couple by being gentle and understanding. In RLT we believe that it is deceitful not to name the problems we see, and to help the clients tackle them. We side with the client who is more aligned in their behavior with relational health. We also align with any moves we witness that are more relational. RLT practitioners build alliance by being truthful and lovingly direct." --The Relational Life Institute
